Dear Willie: I was in a relationship with my daughter’s father for seven years. We had no problems until I got pregnant. His whole behaviour changed and he started cheating so I ended the relationship. We have an eight month old. He provides for her and supports her very well.
After we broke up I allowed him to have her for a few days from time to time, but I stopped. This is because I don’t like the company he keeps and I certainly don’t want his women to be around my child.
I believe in raising my child with certain morals and principles but the type of characters he associates with are certainly not individuals I want her to be around. I’m not judging anyone but they are not positive role models. I know him well enough and he can’t live a day without his friends. I’m not telling him how to live his life but just to respect our little one and refrain from bringing her around these people.
He keeps begging me to allow her to spend a few days with him but I won’t.
I would love for him to be present in her life but since he insists on having my child around these people, I won’t allow it. Am I doing the right thing because I surely don’t want to rob my daughter of a relationship with her father.
Yours sincerely,
Stuck
Dear Miss:I agree with you. No woman will just prevent a man, who provides adequate support, from spending time with his child unless it is very a very good reason.
However, you should talk to him once more, make it very clear, give him another chance and see if he will live up to his words. If he does it again then do what’s best for your daughter. An alternative is to have him spend time with the child at your home. My mother did that with my stepfather. After they broke up, he was allowed to come by her house and visit my brother. They would spend time OUTSIDE for a couple hours.
But you must endeavour to come to some agreement with him regarding visitation, otherwise this may end up in court. You’re also advised to seek some legal opinion.
Also it is sad his behaviour changed when you had a baby. That happens a lot. It’s like after the child is born the woman’s value drops in the eyes of many men. But do not worry, as the saying goes, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Continue to take the best care of your daughter.
Willie
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