Dear Willie: I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for at least four years now. I am not happy but I just can’t leave.
It’s like every time I try he breaks me down and I stay in the relationship. I work in the north of the island but I’m from the south part. My boyfriend is also from the south so from two years ago we’ve been seeing each other only on weekends. I am very much okay with that arrangement but he is not. He wants me to travel every day so we can be together often, but I can’t cause its costly and tiring. I have tried it.
About two months ago I met this guy up north; well we went to school together. I am now involved with this said guy, hence I have two boyfriends. My south bf and I see on weekends and my north bf during the week. I have been swept away by north bf that sometimes I don’t go down on weekends and lie to south bf that I’m working.
I can’t continue in this manner but someone will get hurt, it could be me in the end. North bf wants to have me all to himself and suggested that I leave the south completely. I am confused because even though I am not happy with south bf I care about him cause he been there for me. We have been through a lot, fussing and fighting to the point he beat me up badly I was hospitalized. When I think about it that motivates me to want to leave, but what about the good times we shared.
I am tired of lying to south bf. I want him to find someone better than me, someone compatible. North bf is the opposite of south, we laugh all the time, sex is perfect etc.
I am in love but yet still confused as to what I should do. Stay we south bf (whom I know for so long and care about) or see what north bf (a guy, we went to same school together that I’ve grown much feelings for).
Your advice is greatly appreciated.
Signed
Stressed
Dear Stressed: Is knowing someone or being with someone for a very long time the reason to continue being their girlfriend?
I have heard this silly cultural excuse many times: people being in unhappy relationships but refuse to leave because they have known that one person longer than anyone else. This makes no bloody sense. And based on experience this is quite common in St. Lucia with St. Lucian women. They just love to latch onto to unhappy unions simply because they know the person a long time.
Another thing is your south bf is physically abusive. You’re probably afraid to leave him out of fear. The time he became violent was the opportune time to have ended the relationship. It is obvious you’re afraid of this guy. And stop fooling yourself that you love him. You don’t. You fear him and only feel sorry for him.
And while you contemplate going “full-time” with your north bf, remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I also note most writers note that the sex is “great” or “perfect”. It seems that sex plays a greater role in finding a partner than real love. Are you sure you’re in love with the north bf? Or are you in love with the perfect” sex you’re getting from him? Be careful. When he gets bored of you or vice versa, you may find yourself in a predicament.
Also remember that the relationship with north bf is only two months old. So while you plan to jump ship, be prepared for anything.
My conclusion however is that if you’re unhappy with south bf then it makes no sense leading him along. The longer you prolong the relationship the worst it will get it. And if you’re afraid of this guy, you must take precautionary measures such as getting the law and your family involved. Do not take it lightly.
If he is not making you happy, if you do not love him anymore then break it off!
Do what makes you happy! And be safe while doing it.
Willie
Email letters to dearwilliesno@gmail.com. Letters are strictly confidential and total privacy maintained. Also see disclaimer below.
Dear Willie is published every Friday exclusively on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user.